1. image: Download

    You’re probably thinking, “Awww, look at that monkey-thing!”  But actually, this isn’t even a primate at all and it’s more like the raccoon’s badass adorable cousin.  This is a fucking kinkajou aka Potos flavus, which, by the way, translates to “golden drinker,” a name given because of their fur color and their love for nectar (they pollinate things with their face fur along the way, which is pretty important and also cool).
The name “kinkajou” itself is a local word that means honey bear, which is also another one of their names, which you may think is sweet and all, because, I mean, just look at that adorable face, but the actual reasoning for this is a bit different.  You see, kinkajous don’t quite care for bees, often raiding their nests to lap up some honey.
Yet another one of their names is mico león which translates to monkey lion, which sounds pretty badass, if you picture a ferocious lion who can also swing around on trees all swift and shit.  They are kind of like little lions in the sense that they have sharp claws and eat other mammals and kind of like monkeys in the sense that they have prehensile tails that they use to hang from, as well as using them for balance and such.
Kinkajous are omnivores and feast on fruits, eggs, insects, as well as the aforementioned honey and small mammals.  They hang out in the trees of the forests of Central and South America in little gangs, as they are social animals who enjoy having friends to groom and be groomed by, as well as mates to reproduce with, though they can be solitary.  In either Spring or Summer, impregnated female kinkajous will give birth to a single adorable and pretty dependent blind baby, who she will raise on her own.  It will grow up quickly enough that by its second month, badass baby will be hanging from trees and see and do some of those cool things that the adult kinkajous do.
These things are nocturnal and enjoy keeping up the forest neighbors by being vocal with barks and screeches and looking for food all night.  Come morning, they find a tree hole and go to sleep.
Kinkajous have really cool feet, which are quite useful when you spend a lot of time in trees and going up and down them.  They are able to turn their back feet 180º to climb down trees head-first in the case of an ocelot or jaguar wanting to snack on some honey bear.

    You’re probably thinking, “Awww, look at that monkey-thing!”  But actually, this isn’t even a primate at all and it’s more like the raccoon’s badass adorable cousin.  This is a fucking kinkajou aka Potos flavus, which, by the way, translates to “golden drinker,” a name given because of their fur color and their love for nectar (they pollinate things with their face fur along the way, which is pretty important and also cool).

    The name “kinkajou” itself is a local word that means honey bear, which is also another one of their names, which you may think is sweet and all, because, I mean, just look at that adorable face, but the actual reasoning for this is a bit different.  You see, kinkajous don’t quite care for bees, often raiding their nests to lap up some honey.

    Yet another one of their names is mico león which translates to monkey lion, which sounds pretty badass, if you picture a ferocious lion who can also swing around on trees all swift and shit.  They are kind of like little lions in the sense that they have sharp claws and eat other mammals and kind of like monkeys in the sense that they have prehensile tails that they use to hang from, as well as using them for balance and such.

    Kinkajous are omnivores and feast on fruits, eggs, insects, as well as the aforementioned honey and small mammals.  They hang out in the trees of the forests of Central and South America in little gangs, as they are social animals who enjoy having friends to groom and be groomed by, as well as mates to reproduce with, though they can be solitary.  In either Spring or Summer, impregnated female kinkajous will give birth to a single adorable and pretty dependent blind baby, who she will raise on her own.  It will grow up quickly enough that by its second month, badass baby will be hanging from trees and see and do some of those cool things that the adult kinkajous do.

    These things are nocturnal and enjoy keeping up the forest neighbors by being vocal with barks and screeches and looking for food all night.  Come morning, they find a tree hole and go to sleep.

    Kinkajous have really cool feet, which are quite useful when you spend a lot of time in trees and going up and down them.  They are able to turn their back feet 180º to climb down trees head-first in the case of an ocelot or jaguar wanting to snack on some honey bear.

     
  2. Pictured is a Daphnia friend I made senior year in AP Bio.  One of the most common daphnia is this, the Daphnia magna.  They’re commonly used as lab animals, as they easily reproduce and grow, and can be easily observed (Check out those embryos!).  They are also used as fish food.  They eat phytoplankton filtered by their minuscule and hairy legs and swim with help from their antennae.  They’re pretty tiny at 5mm (the size of my brain calcification), but a species is a species, no matter how small.
This is a pretty short description, but what fascinates me about them is how fucking tiny they are and how they’re able to think and respond to stimuli and move so quickly and just exist in general, and they’re also cute.
(the photo is mine)

    Pictured is a Daphnia friend I made senior year in AP Bio.  One of the most common daphnia is this, the Daphnia magna.  They’re commonly used as lab animals, as they easily reproduce and grow, and can be easily observed (Check out those embryos!).  They are also used as fish food.  They eat phytoplankton filtered by their minuscule and hairy legs and swim with help from their antennae.  They’re pretty tiny at 5mm (the size of my brain calcification), but a species is a species, no matter how small.

    This is a pretty short description, but what fascinates me about them is how fucking tiny they are and how they’re able to think and respond to stimuli and move so quickly and just exist in general, and they’re also cute.

    (the photo is mine)

     
  3. This sassy little fellow is a black-footed ferret (Mustela nigripes).  Many died as a result of the decrease of prairie dogs, which were poisoned because a huge inconvenience to have when you’re trying to be a farmer and get your farming done and there was also plague, so the black-footed ferrets were pretty much fucked.  You see, heir diet is over 90% prairie dogs and their habitats are actually the same ones as the prairie dogs only they pull a Columbus and take the fuck over until they own the place.  When you take that away, they now lack food and habitat (BASIC NECESSITIES!) and when you add disease… They were declared endangered in 1967, thought to be extinct in 1974, declared extinct in 1979 (Stop crying, bro.  The story gets a bit better, I promise.), and finally, rediscovered by a dog named Shep in 1981.
After plague hit again though, everyone was scared that they wouldn’t be able to come out of it.  18 black-footed ferrets, allegedly the last in the whole world, were caught from the wild and then breeding programs happened.  Release into the wild started in 1991!  Releasing captive bred species back into the wild is not always successful.  It’s like if you put a five year old in the wild and expect it to learn how to survive.  Not exactly like that, but you can’t expect something to adapt to the wild after being spoiled with the indoors and never taught to live in the wild.  So the ferrets are taken to a sort of boot camp where they learn to live on their own and hunt before they go to the actual wild.  In a month and a half, they master using their teeth to capture, kill, and eat their prey.  Yay!
Though they are still endangered, their gene pool isn’t all that great (which causes other issues), the black-footed ferret is currently quite successful today, if you consider they were thought to not even exist anymore.  Who knows, maybe one day you’ll find out giant dinosaurs are still out in the amazon or something.  If not, you can always order a plush one on amazon and that’s kind of close.
How do you know if you’re dealing with a black-footed ferret?
Is it a masked bandit?
Does it have nice little black boots?
Does it appear to have been painting something black with the tip of his/her tail?
Is it a badass?
Are you out at dark near a release site (Usually, like most all ferrets, they sleep long hours and only come out at night with all the energy in the world)?
Are you at a zoo?  (If you are, I don’t know why you are even reading this, because they have labels and shit.)
If you answered yes to questions 1-4 and 5 or 6, then you are probably seeing a black-footed ferret.  Congrats!
(photo)

    This sassy little fellow is a black-footed ferret (Mustela nigripes).  Many died as a result of the decrease of prairie dogs, which were poisoned because a huge inconvenience to have when you’re trying to be a farmer and get your farming done and there was also plague, so the black-footed ferrets were pretty much fucked.  You see, heir diet is over 90% prairie dogs and their habitats are actually the same ones as the prairie dogs only they pull a Columbus and take the fuck over until they own the place.  When you take that away, they now lack food and habitat (BASIC NECESSITIES!) and when you add disease… They were declared endangered in 1967, thought to be extinct in 1974, declared extinct in 1979 (Stop crying, bro.  The story gets a bit better, I promise.), and finally, rediscovered by a dog named Shep in 1981.

    After plague hit again though, everyone was scared that they wouldn’t be able to come out of it.  18 black-footed ferrets, allegedly the last in the whole world, were caught from the wild and then breeding programs happened.  Release into the wild started in 1991!  Releasing captive bred species back into the wild is not always successful.  It’s like if you put a five year old in the wild and expect it to learn how to survive.  Not exactly like that, but you can’t expect something to adapt to the wild after being spoiled with the indoors and never taught to live in the wild.  So the ferrets are taken to a sort of boot camp where they learn to live on their own and hunt before they go to the actual wild.  In a month and a half, they master using their teeth to capture, kill, and eat their prey.  Yay!

    Though they are still endangered, their gene pool isn’t all that great (which causes other issues), the black-footed ferret is currently quite successful today, if you consider they were thought to not even exist anymore.  Who knows, maybe one day you’ll find out giant dinosaurs are still out in the amazon or something.  If not, you can always order a plush one on amazon and that’s kind of close.

    How do you know if you’re dealing with a black-footed ferret?

    Is it a masked bandit?

    Does it have nice little black boots?

    Does it appear to have been painting something black with the tip of his/her tail?

    Is it a badass?

    Are you out at dark near a release site (Usually, like most all ferrets, they sleep long hours and only come out at night with all the energy in the world)?

    Are you at a zoo?  (If you are, I don’t know why you are even reading this, because they have labels and shit.)

    If you answered yes to questions 1-4 and 5 or 6, then you are probably seeing a black-footed ferret.  Congrats!

    (photo)

     
  4. The mofo in the picture is a Hoffmann’s two-toed sloth (Choloepus hoffmanni).  First off, Choeloepus is a genus of two toed sloths.  It means maimed foot, which sounds kind of mean, but they do only have two toes.  Thaaaaankkkss, evolution.  Naming things you find after yourself is kind of lame (I’m looking at you Hoffmann, Colombus, Amerigo Vespucci, etc., etc., etc.), but hey at least you’re remembered with a sloth and that’s pretty badass.
Sloths are arboreal, much like myself.  They live in trees and hang out there all the time. They live their whole lives upside down.  Seriously.  They do EVERYTHING upside-down. Everything.  Also, much like you people of the internet, they are nocturnal, slow, and quite solitary.  But that’s alright, because they are adorable.  Adorable enough that when it comes time to mate, these little dudes will find a friend and procreaaaaatttee! Also, upside down.  There’s foreplay too!  It’s kind of cute actually.  The female licks the male’s face (stop laughing, jerks.  The poor things aren’t socialized, remember?  They don’t know how to kiss properly and I doubt you’re any better, so just stop.  Or keep going.  They don’t care.  They’re probably sleeping anyway and if you don’t like face-licking you’re not their type anyway) and then they mate upside-down.  BADASSES!  In about a year, a single baby sloth is born.  It takes a long time to make the cutest baby animals, you know.
They’re also quite stylish, parting their belly hair, so the rain rolls right off.  They also made friends with algae.  The sloth’s hair makes a great home for algae, so the algae are happy, and the algae serves as camouflage for the sloths, so the sloths are happy.
They eat mostly leaves and are thus incredibly slow.  They also have fruits!  Who doesn’t love fruits, right?  Only, this is actually really important to the environment, as some plants won’t germinate until after they have passed through a sloth’s digestive system.  Thanks, sloths!  They have slow metabolisms as well, which change along with their temperature, according to their environment.  This particular species is also known to wobble its head a lot, probably because they have a song stuck in their head thanks to that annoying bird in the next tree.
You know how there’s always an exception?  Well, once a week, they go down to the base of their tree and are not upside-down as they defecate and urinate.  PLEASE don’t tell the jaguars and anacondas.
(photo)

    The mofo in the picture is a Hoffmann’s two-toed sloth (Choloepus hoffmanni).  First off, Choeloepus is a genus of two toed sloths.  It means maimed foot, which sounds kind of mean, but they do only have two toes.  Thaaaaankkkss, evolution.  Naming things you find after yourself is kind of lame (I’m looking at you Hoffmann, Colombus, Amerigo Vespucci, etc., etc., etc.), but hey at least you’re remembered with a sloth and that’s pretty badass.

    Sloths are arboreal, much like myself.  They live in trees and hang out there all the time. They live their whole lives upside down.  Seriously.  They do EVERYTHING upside-down. Everything.  Also, much like you people of the internet, they are nocturnal, slow, and quite solitary.  But that’s alright, because they are adorable.  Adorable enough that when it comes time to mate, these little dudes will find a friend and procreaaaaatttee! Also, upside down.  There’s foreplay too!  It’s kind of cute actually.  The female licks the male’s face (stop laughing, jerks.  The poor things aren’t socialized, remember?  They don’t know how to kiss properly and I doubt you’re any better, so just stop.  Or keep going.  They don’t care.  They’re probably sleeping anyway and if you don’t like face-licking you’re not their type anyway) and then they mate upside-down.  BADASSES!  In about a year, a single baby sloth is born.  It takes a long time to make the cutest baby animals, you know.

    They’re also quite stylish, parting their belly hair, so the rain rolls right off.  They also made friends with algae.  The sloth’s hair makes a great home for algae, so the algae are happy, and the algae serves as camouflage for the sloths, so the sloths are happy.

    They eat mostly leaves and are thus incredibly slow.  They also have fruits!  Who doesn’t love fruits, right?  Only, this is actually really important to the environment, as some plants won’t germinate until after they have passed through a sloth’s digestive system.  Thanks, sloths!  They have slow metabolisms as well, which change along with their temperature, according to their environment.  This particular species is also known to wobble its head a lot, probably because they have a song stuck in their head thanks to that annoying bird in the next tree.

    You know how there’s always an exception?  Well, once a week, they go down to the base of their tree and are not upside-down as they defecate and urinate.  PLEASE don’t tell the jaguars and anacondas.

    (photo)

     
  5. image: Download

    The platypus (Ornithorhynchus anatinus) is one of five living species of monotremes (the rest are echidnas).  You can find them on the east coast of Australia, including Tasmania.  They are pretty much the most badass animal.  Mammals usually give live birth to their offspring, but the monotremes said fuck that shit and so they lay eggs.  Platypus mothers nurse their young for up to four months, which is pretty badass, since their kids are beaked and what other species does that?  Not only that, but they have really sharp spurs on their back feet.  The male’s will deliver venom to any mother fucker that tries to mess with it.  In their free time, they scoop up insects and worms and such that they find by detecting the tiny electrical fields they create for noms.  To make their feeding time more badass, they close their nose, eyes, and ears as they dive in.  You try eating that way underwater and you’ll probably pass out and choke and die and not even get the food in your mouth anyway, because you are not good at detecting electrical fields around your food at all.  Also, you lack waterproof fur to keep you dry and warm and a tail and webbed feet to make you a great swimmer.  Sucks to be human, huh?  If it makes you feel any better, they are just as awkward as you are on land.
(photo)

    The platypus (Ornithorhynchus anatinus) is one of five living species of monotremes (the rest are echidnas).  You can find them on the east coast of Australia, including Tasmania.  They are pretty much the most badass animal.  Mammals usually give live birth to their offspring, but the monotremes said fuck that shit and so they lay eggs.  Platypus mothers nurse their young for up to four months, which is pretty badass, since their kids are beaked and what other species does that?  Not only that, but they have really sharp spurs on their back feet.  The male’s will deliver venom to any mother fucker that tries to mess with it.  In their free time, they scoop up insects and worms and such that they find by detecting the tiny electrical fields they create for noms.  To make their feeding time more badass, they close their nose, eyes, and ears as they dive in.  You try eating that way underwater and you’ll probably pass out and choke and die and not even get the food in your mouth anyway, because you are not good at detecting electrical fields around your food at all.  Also, you lack waterproof fur to keep you dry and warm and a tail and webbed feet to make you a great swimmer.  Sucks to be human, huh?  If it makes you feel any better, they are just as awkward as you are on land.

    (photo)